i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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