There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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