why do cheetos always look like penises
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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