So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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