im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
