I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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