i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
