Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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