Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
