3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
