Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
