I look better un-naked...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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