So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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