I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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