Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
