Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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