my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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