It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
