As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
