Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
