I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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