So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
