For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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