All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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