so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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