Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize