Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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