his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
