Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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