lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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