just come out here and I will go home with you...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
