for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
