i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
