Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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