Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
