i don't like sucking hair
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i will never coherently bang her
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
