sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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