where am i from again
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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