we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
