I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
