I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
