I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
