Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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