i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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