If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
