I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
