NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
