He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
