their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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