Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just had sex on a roof
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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