apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now