I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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