Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.