he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
