My sheets look like a crime scene.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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