my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
