i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
