Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
