Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
operation harelip BJ is a go
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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