I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
