im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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