I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
