The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
