Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
