so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
