It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she was so not down for the gang bang
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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