dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize