Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
