Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
