Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
