we're chasing vodka with high fives
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
