I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
