hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
