I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
