So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This is my gift to your gina
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
