He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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