I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
