Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
