Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
