I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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