so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
