how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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